


Inconvenient

by Ansgår (vegardylvisaker)



Category: Ylvis
Genre: M/M, anyway bård's an asshole :)))), fake engagement, some kind of angst? idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:18:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4587525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vegardylvisaker/pseuds/Ansg%C3%A5r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you do when you're at someone else's wedding and people think you're engaged to your best friend?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inconvenient

**Author's Note:**

> this is based on a prompt from tumblr and really, idk what happened bc this thing wrote itself, basically

The sun shines and the birds sing and it's a wonderful day for a wedding. Bård looks really good in that grey suit and his hair looks very shiny in the sunlight. Calle had three glasses of champagne so far and he wishes he could leave.

There sure is something _inconvenient_ about everyone insisting on believing a rumor. It can be funny at first because you know the truth and everyone else is an idiot for believing the lie. But when you're at your best friend's brother's wedding and his whole family thinks you and your best friend are engaged, the fun wears off pretty quickly.

It went very much like this: Bård needs a 'date' for his brother's wedding and he asks his best friend Calle to accompany him. Calle is a nice person and always ready to do Bård a favor, so he agrees. Eventually they arrive at the wedding, both wearing their best suits, and suddenly the groom's mother is 'happy that her second son finally found someone'. No one knows where that came from but Vegard, as the older brother, has no interest in correcting his mother - he rather watches as his sibling struggles to explain the situation. The brothers' mom is fast in spreading the 'news' and rather sooner than later, everyone at the wedding believes the groom's best man is in a serious relationship with the long-haired noodle. 

Calle wishes that would be the point where the story ends but there's more:

At one point, the younger brother and the noodle dance. Not necessarily with each other, even. Bård is stupid enough to eat a piece of wedding cake while dancing; Someone bumps into him and he drops his fork. Calle sees it, gets on one knee, picks up the fork and wants to give it back to his best friend - the mother sees it and shouts through the hall: "Vegard! Bjarte! Your brother is getting engaged!"

Calle tells himself it could be worse, simply because it could always be worse. He doubts it though, he really does.

~

"Why don't you say anything to this by the way, huh? Do you want your family to believe we are honestly going to get married some day?" Calle's voice is nothing but an outraged hissing sound. Bård doesn't look particularly interested.

"I've tried everything and they won't listen. That's what each single person here is like. They practically _feed_ on rumors, it's disgusting." He shrugs and lifts his chin. "I think it's better if we just endure it until the wedding is over. Tomorrow nobody will give a fuck about it anymore. They don't really care enough until it really does come to a wedding. You know, cake and free drinks is another thing they feed on."

Calle frowns because - Okay, so. Yes, Calle knows Bård is arrogant and yes, he knows his friend has this punk rock attitude that every 24-year old goes through at one point. But he didn't think Bård would talk about his own family like that.

"No, what? Bård, you don't seem to get it. _I don't want to play your husband._ "

Bård takes another sip of his beer and raises his eyebrows. "Why not?" he says and a self-satisfied smirk spreads on his lips. "I'm a pretty good catch."

Calle stares after his best friend as he walks back inside and disappears in the lively crowd.

~

Somehow Calle managed to waste two hours by walking around the building and engaging in every conversation he passed by. At first he tried to convince those who congratulated him on the engagement that everything was just a misunderstanding. But after denying it for the 50th time and not succeeding, Calle figured it doesn't make much sense without Bård being there as well.

And, oh right, _Bård_. The older one hasn't seen him since their private discussion on the balcony. He thinks that maybe now enough time has passed and Bård is ready to talk about their fake engagement in a serious manner.

The blonde strives through the crowd and meets the groom on his way. "Hey, Vegard, have you seen your brother somewhere?"  
Vegard laughs immediately. "Oh, you mean the soon-to-be? Yeah, he was on his way to the toilets a few seconds ago."  
Calle nods and mumbles an incoherent 'thanks' before he leaves off to the bathrooms.

In retrospect it's safe to say that meeting up with your rumored boyfriend in the bathrooms at a wedding isn't the most ideal way to stop said rumor. Especially not when the father sees you coming out of the toilets together.  
In addition to that was the conversation not very successful. It wasn't really _anything_ but a back and forth of useless words:

"What do you care what they think? It's not like you have to see them again after tonight."

"Oh, really? Because I feel like your parents won't be the only ones attending our wedding once they pressured us into it!"

"Larsen, _please_. You sound ridiculous."

"Oh my _God_ , when did you become such an asshole? I can't believe those people seriously think I would be with someone as self-absorbed as you!"

Bård didn't say anything to that but simply left the bathroom.  
Calle honestly thinks about leaving early when a waiter hands him another glass of Champagne.

~

Another three hours have passed and Calle sits alone at a dinner table. It's barely half past nine and the wedding is supposed to end somewhen around two in the morning.

Calle sits and drinks his tenth glass of Champagne and stares at the mint green tablecloth when suddenly a grey-haired lady appears next to him. She introduces herself as the brothers' grandmother and asks if she could sit with Calle for a while. The blonde doesn't feel like talking so he just nods.

"Oh my, my, my, what a wedding." mumbles the woman as she places her purse on the table. "Who thought it would be so eventful, hm?"

The Ylvisåkers' grandmother is a sweet, little lady and Calle hopes for the best when he opens his mouth: "Okay, look, about me and your grandson-"

The woman leans in and takes Calle's hand and thus cuts him off. "Oh, you don't have to say anything, dear. Bård told me everything." She smiles kindly and sits back again, resting her hands on her purse.

Calle is too surprised to form advanced sentences so he says, "He did?" and a faint smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.

The old lady nods and knits her eyebrows together. "Listen, boy. I know you may be having a hard time at home but here, everybody accepts it. There's no need to worry."

Calle was about to sigh in relief but then her words reach his brain and everything threatens to collapse. "Wait- what does everybody accept?"

"Well, your homosexuality of course! Bård was afr-"

Calle lifts his right hand to stop her from talking and rises from his seat. Clutching the almost empty Champagne glass in his left hand, he mumbles an "Excuse me, please." and leaves Ms Ylvisåker behind.

~

"Where is he? Where's the liar?" hisses Calle as he staggers through the mass of dancing wedding guests. People ask him what he's talking about but he doesn't stop to answer or ask if anyone's seen Bård. Instead he keeps pacing through the big hall, until he reaches the other side and comes to a sudden halt a few feet away from the balcony door.  
Calle realizes he may be a bit over-dramatic right now but the almost two liters of Champagne in his system entertain the thought that he's had to sit through eight hours of people shoving a rumor down his throat.

The blonde takes a deep breath before he walks through the balcony door and straight towards Bård. He grabs his shoulder and yanks him around and the two other guests next to them leave and close the door quickly.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You told your sweet, innocent grandma that I'm a closeted homosexual?" Calle talks with a lot of temperament which causes him to accidently spit into Bård's face. The younger one wipes his cheek and a triumphant smile graces his features.

"Not closeted, just struggling. You know, your parents aren't very accepting of your-"

"Shut the fuck up! Why are you doing this, Bård? I thought you're my best friend!" Calle squints at the younger man and tries his best not to grab him by the collar. Bård can be so provoking, it drives him insane.

"What, am I not allowed to have my fun?" he says and leans over the balcony's railing. He takes a sip of his beer and raises his eyebrows, just like earlier. Except now there is a challenging feeling to it.

Calle can't take it any longer - he rushes forward and suddenly he's in the shorter one's space, their noses only inches away from each other. "Look. I don't know what kind of psycho game your sick mind tries to play with me but I won't do this any longer. You have always been a selfish bastard but I never thought you would treat _me_ like that." Calle exhales deeply and Bård can feel the air brushing his face. "Tonight was just another example of how little you care about those who aren't you. I'm gonna leave now, and I'm gonna leave _you_. You can shove this friendship up your arrogant ass."

Yes, the situation is suddenly very serious and Calle may be a little over-dramatic but that is nothing compared to Bård's reaction; As the older one turns to leave, Bård grabs his upper arms, kind of pulls himself up and forces Calle into a crushing, furious kiss.

Now, there sure is something _inconvenient_ about everyone insisting on believing a rumor. It can be funny at first because you know the truth and everyone else is an idiot for believing the lie. But when you're at your best friend's brother's wedding and his whole family sees you and your rumored fiance kiss on the balcony, the fun wears off pretty quickly.

Calle pushes Bård away as soon as he registers what's happening, and Bård lets him. Any sign of triumph or self-praise is sweeped off the younger one's face and instead he wears an expression of guilt.

"I shouldn't have done that." he states and Calle is too shocked to ask whether he means the kiss or entertaining the rumor.

Bård stares at the taller one, his eyes reflect the setting sun's orange light, and every fibre of his being seems tense. Calle can only stare back because, _what the fuck just happened_? and yes, maybe he should've noticed sooner. Yes, maybe he should've reacted sooner. Yes, maybe does Bård deserve a reaction to this _right now_ \- but Calle is paralyzed and Bård is too arrogant to let his own feelings win over.

The younger man leaves the balcony without another word and he doesn't turn around again, doesn't come back to the wedding once he drove off. And Calle knows that when Bård said he shouldn't have done it, it was his cue to answer: "You should have."


End file.
